Dear Diary,
I'm afraid I am gravely ill. It is perhaps times like these that one reflects on things past. An article of clothing from when I was young, a green jacket. A walk with my father. A game we once played. Pretend we're faeries. I'm a girl faerie. My name is Laura Lee. And you're a boy faerie and your name is Tita Lee. Pretend, when we're faeries we fight each other, and I say, "Stop hitting me, I'll die!" And you hit me again and I say, "Now I have to die." and then you say, "But I'll miss you." And I say, "But I have to. And you'll have to wait a million years to see me again. And I'll be put in a box, and all I'll need is a tiny glass of water and lots of tiny pieces of pizza and the box will have wings like an airplane." And you'll ask, "Where will it take you?"
"Home." I say.
--Synecdoche, New York
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8BgFTR4PjQ&feature=feedf

Checking In

So I know I said I'd be offline for a while but I figured I'd let the people who read this blog know what I'll be doing. I'm very excited about what I've in mind and I was originally going to wait two weeks when I had more of a collection to brag about but for now, this is what's going on: I'm going to be doing a series of photos, drawings, paintings, and journal entries entitled "Farewell Florida" (title may change). I'm going to be traveling around the state on my days off and capturing some pretty sweet places I've found in my two years here. It's something to do really, when the days start to drag, I have a day off to look forward to in which I'll be doing my all-time favorite pass time of raw discovery and nostalgic exploration. This exploration goes far beyond literal, however, and in a variety of ways:

Reading...scientific books as well as new novels that I may have missed on the shelves will be part of this. Beginning with Darwin's Origin of Species, something I've only ever read large excerpts from but never cover to cover, I want to examine certain disciplines I've been taking for granted.

Drawing... has never been a strong suit for me, however I've been doing graphite sketches and they've all come out okay.

Watercolor. I want to get back into my painting, really focusing on it instead of dabbling wet on wet scenes.

Writing. I'm writing a novel. It may take a long time, it may only take a month or two depending on my focus. I want the story to fulfill a missing part of my philosophy and for that I'd need to examine myself more closely than ever before. I also bought a quill so that I would write slower and really take in and think about the words pouring onto the page. I highly recommend it too.

I will be posting on my blog periodically, just not every day. I have to admit, no connection to the Internet opens up a lot of creative freedom and makes me want to deep sea dive into information (ironically). I'm very antsy about this project, it feels good already. The pictures are just an introduction of much more to come. Keep reading, this only gets better. Oh and listen to some good tunes I'm currently listening to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziQx0cXV4nY&feature=related

I'm going to disappear for a while.

There's some things right now that, I really don't need. I know that you're okay now and that's all that's important to me. I'm going to take some time, watch some films, read some books, maybe continue writing my book, do a photo series, and stay away from this internet thing...do some healing. I'll always be here for you if you really ever need me. I'm going to focus on my art for a while.

Fish

There's a legend in China about a koi fish who swims up the Yellow River his whole life in order to overcome the waterfalls and be transformed into a dragon. For long the fish have symbolized the perseverance of an individual but also the struggle for independence, freedom, in the face of societal conformity. Fish are some of the most impressive creatures when it comes to the harsh conditions they face. Able to survive under a frozen glaze and even live out longer lives than humans who keep them in captivity, koi fish are notably some of the most beautiful fish in the world. It is their poetry and and distinguished versatility of their look which sets them apart from normal carp. Some koi are able to develop trusting relationships with one or two human beings in which they show affection and love.

Few people in the world actually exemplify the traits of a fish. Within the zodiac a fish symbolizes creativity, empathy and caring nature. A person is unpredictable, and someone important is never disappointing. Choose which way to swim, either with current and simply plugging through life or against it fighting for the life you want and the one you deserve. Fish are free it's what makes them so interesting.

When I was ten years old my dad brought a fish charm back from Japan with him and gave it to me. I tied it to a piece of string and wore it all the time. They say it is supposed to bring you luck, but it never did that for me. When I got older, in a way I gave up on it and tied it to a chain and wore it more simply and not as frequently. I'm not a fish, I don't really have those traits. In a way I think I was always just meant to find one. My soul is so much more Earth-bound than that of a fish. When I did finally find a fish, I considered myself for the first time really lucky. I fell in love with a fish, but fish don't really love back it isn't in their nature to love so simplistically. Fish love things that are larger than their own spirits, they can go beyond their years, they can swim upstream and become dragons. There's a story for everything, a legend even. If I had to go back, I wouldn't change the way I met my fish, the way I loved my fish, or the way I had to set my fish free. In my heart I will always protect that fish, keep its spirit alive and safe. You can only ever come across one fish, that's why I know I'm lucky.

So when you wake up one morning and the sky is heading towards the ground, as long as your mind is there, you're going to be okay, it'll be a beautiful day.